| Gettin My Shit Together.. |
[29 Jan 2005|03:38pm] |
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Baby* Ashanti |
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Well I've been back in school for a couple weeks and although it isn't the first place I want to be, I'm beginning to like it. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my future and my happiness. I know that life isn't always going to be perfect, there are going to be some things, a lot of things actually, that are just out of my control. But there are a few things that I think could make my life better that need to be changed.
I went to see Randy this week.. I'm really glad that I got to see him, but now coming home it hits me even more how separate our lives our now. How DIFFERENT everything is now. It fucking sucks. I understand that there is nothing I can do to go back to that night and change it, but I would give anything if I could. He looked good and he was laughing and stuff. I mean he seemed happy. As he told Theresa " You have to make a life out of it." Well he is stronger than me because I would never be able to do that.
Rich once again has decided he isn't talking to me anymore. And I think this is the time that I'll just let it be. I'm not going to fight with someone to stay with me, to accept me. You want to be with me or you don't. I refuse to change for anyone and that's just the way it is. I've said this a million times before and now I realize that if anyone is ever going to take me seriously, it's time to stick by my word.
I went over to my dad's house last night and he is talking about moving to Ohio with some girl. I was kind of jealous I have to say because me and my sisters have always been the most important thing to him. He would have never even thought about leaving before. Oh well.. I guess if it is going to make him happy then more power to him.
Well that's all I have to say for now.
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[09 Jan 2005|05:44pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Mark Wills* She's In Love |
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I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I always said I wanted to live my life with no regrets and it seems like thats all I have left. Maybe it's just a phase.. but DAMN.. it's fucking hard as hell. I hate my life seriously anything that ever fucking mattered is gone. EVERYTHING. And I know everyones goin to think I'm talkin about the shit with Rich, and although that is a big part of it, it's not NEARLY all of it. I hope my luck changes soon, I don't know how much more I can take.
Lonely, Cuz don't anyone know me, But everybody just feels like they can relate...
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